I Got Pregnant Without Sleeping With Any Man, I’m Ashamed Of Myself and Thinking Of Killing Myself

My name is Ese, and I’m 39. I own and run a supermarket in the hub of the city. A business I established 11 years ago during my youth service year. I started with a loan I took from CBN. Anyone who has served will understand what I mean. It is usually made available to the corps members, with their discharge certificate as collateral. If you fail to pay up before your POP, the terms are that you will not be issued with the certificate until you offset the loan. I actually took the loan because I have seen that there is no job anywhere. If they want to hold that paper, they should for all I care, I would joke about it.

On the date of the Passing out, I simply respected myself and didn’t come to the parade ground, though I was hanging around. I can’t afford to be shamed there. At least nobody knew what happened. My fellow corps members wanted to know why I wasn’t there, I pulled a story. While others were brandishing their own papers, I was in my kiosk attending to my customers. That was how I started my supermarket and just because I served in my city of residence I didn’t have anything to border about.

Now I have built my business from the kiosk to a big shop in the centre of the city. The year’s of hard work has finally started paying because my customers are predominantly wealthy people. I have also employed 5 workers because I run home delivery services too.

Although, I can not be said to have been successful, but am doing great. At least I can boast of two delivery motorcycles, one delivery bicycle and a personal car which I also use for delivery.

In fact, I can say, I’m doing well, considering how I started and the time frame in between. But one thing that is killing me softly is my inability to attract a serious man I can call a husband. Every other man that came around were all gold diggers. I have lost a great deal being in a relationship with many of them.

The two major reasons they leave was my refusal to share my body with them before marriage and desperation for money. As a dedicated sister in my church, I just couldn’t do that, coupled with the fact that it is against the ordinances of the God I serve. I was comfortable being on my own. As they came and left for either of the reasons I mentioned earlier, I was actually okay, while waiting for my God sent in prayers.

The bitter truth as I write this piece is that am actually tired of waiting. Am almost getting to 40 years of age. Everyone knows what it means for ladies in Africa. I do not want to be a laughing stock so I went for artificial insemination. The process carrying out the action started with a series of consultation and counselling, which to me was unnecessary. Am a woman of my own, I don’t see the essence of counselling me while I have made up my mind before coming.

The process was later completed and I was pronounced pregnant. I didn’t tell anyone about it except my mother who frown so much at it, but then, the deal has been done. She has to accept it and move on. My church activities remained the way it was until fellow church members started rumouring that I was pregnant, but nobody could approach me with such a question. One day, my cell members summoned courage and asked if the rumour was real. I boldly admitted but told them what I did, not what they think.

That was how he’ll be let loose. I started to get summon after summon. No one believed I didn’t sleep around to get pregnant. Those who believed me were even more disappointed in me. They could not understand why I shouldn’t wait for God to send my own husband. Just recently, I got a letter and when I opened it, it turned out to be a letter of suspension signed by the Church authority.

I didn’t know where I have gone wrong. What I wanted is to have someone to call my own. Menopause is catching up with me and I just wanted to avoid the possibility of losing out in all sides. Please share your thoughts with me let me how I went wrong.

What do you have to say about this? Kindly say your thoughts on this by commenting below.

One comment

  1. Last time a girl got pregnant without sex Jesus was born!!!

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