Both husband and wife should take responsibility for their part in a marriage, below are twelve mistakes common to women, which can completely destroy a marriage. When women exercise the following behaviors, it can create a hostile environment, where no one feels safe or comfortable. There are also plenty of ways that men can destroy a marriage as well. It is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. If life is stressful, then work on changing your perception and start making positive changes in your life. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. Here are things that women do to destroy their marriage;
1. Using Words to Hurt and Destroy Your Marriage
Women are adept at brandishing the sharpest words in order to shame, demean, and belittle their man. Words are delicate, once they are out, there is no getting them back in. Regardless of how sorry you are afterward, the damage has been done. All the sorries in the world will never take back the sting of your angry words, once you have unleashed them on your hapless husband. Over the years, this type of constant verbal abuse can wear on your husband and make him very unresponsive to you and care less about you. Rather than use your words as a weapon, use them as a healing balm to comfort, encourage and uplift your husband.
2. Having Unrealistic Expectations
Seeking fulfillment from one person, and projecting your unhappiness onto him when he doesn’t measure up will quickly destroy your marriage. If you feel unhappy, first examine reality. You will be happier if you shape your expectations to fit the reality of your situation. Expecting your spouse or children to make you happy is unrealistic. Make yourself happy. Most women have several friends, who fill several roles. Each person in your life fulfills a different and important role. None is more important; they are just different. If you expect your husband to complete you and bring you eternal happiness, not only are you setting him up for failure, but you are also setting yourself up for disappointment.
3. Undermining His Authority, But Demanding He Take Full Responsibility
In any organization, there must be a leader, someone in charge. The head over the whole organization. Typically, the person who carries the responsibility ought to be the one who has the final say. Families and relationships are much like any other organization. There must be someone in charge, someone who will take full responsibility when things go wrong, and someone that everyone can turn to.
You are welcome to take that role, if you are willing to be fully responsible when the chips are down. It is easy to be critical of the person in charge, and it is easy to think that you could do a better job. The hard part comes when it is time to take responsibility. Rather than making decisions without regard for your husband’s input, and then blaming him when things don’t work out, try instead to work together. You can decide together how things should be done, and you can offer him the final say when decisions need to be made.
4. Withholding Affection and Sex
This can cause a huge rift in your marriage, whether you realize it or not. Men are wired differently than women. Your husband needs physical release through sexual intimacy. It is not just something he is demanding of you; it is something he needs. When you refuse to meet his need for physical release, you are making a much deeper statement; you do not care about or respect his needs. This is not about whether you like or dislike sex. It is much more important than that. Your spouse needs to connect with you on a physical level, whether you are in the mood or not. You are in a relationship with a man you love, and you expect your needs to be met. In the same way, you need to meet his needs, regardless of whether you share the same needs and desires.
5. Using Critical Statements, Gestures and Facial Expressions
This is a quick and easy way to show your husband that you don’t respect him or his opinion. Men can become overwhelmed by the barrage of criticism coming at them. The result is they shut down, withdraw, and seek kindness and approval elsewhere. Another way to show disrespect is to roll your eyes or make sarcastic facial expressions. These are just as irritating for your husband, as they are for you when your teenaged daughter does it. There is no need to be rude, even if you’ve been married forever. It is more important to give him your attention, to look at him and to listen than it is to roll your eyes or shake your head in exasperation. You are trying to build a bond, not destroy the man you love.
6. Never Being Happy
One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to spend all your time acting miserable and unhappy. The goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. It is to this end that you have an obligation to be happy. If the goal is to be happily married, it is up to you to exercise self-control. Only you can make yourself happy. If you believe that your happiness comes from other people or having things or external circumstances, then you will never be happy. You are in charge of your happiness. It is a decision. You can choose to be a miserable, unhappy grouch, or you can suck it up, pull your boots on, and show up in your marriage as the person you’d like to be.
7. Belittling and Making Fun of Him to Your Friends and Family
When you criticize and belittle your husband, you not only diminish your husband in your eyes, but you also poison those closest to you. You force them to take sides, and of course, they choose your side, because they want to be loyal to you. Your friends and family don’t live at your house. They don’t see what goes on day after day. They don’t see the good things your husband does. The only view they have of your husband is the one that you present to them. If you are constantly badmouthing and belittling him, then they will view him as a bad partner for you.
After you speak badly about him, they will never look at your husband the same way again. Even when you get over your tirade, and everything is great at home, they will still be mad at him. Your friends and family members want to protect you from danger and harm. If you are constantly referring to your husband in a negative light, then they will want to protect you and your children from this monster you married, even if he isn’t really a monster.
8. Disrespecting His Advice
Men and women are different on many levels. Men are fixers. By nature, if you present a problem, he will come up with concrete steps to solve the problem. When you are dismissive, it sends the message that you do not value him. When you come to your husband with a problem or a concern, be ready for him to create an action plan to resolve your conflict. It may not be exactly what you would do, but he is offering a solution. The least you can do is listen to his suggestion, and thank him for his input. Before you reject his idea out of hand, take some time to consider what his opinion is. Think about what he said. You don’t have to do everything he suggests, but listen and think about it.
If you must whine at your husband, tell him upfront that you don’t require a solution, just an ear to hear. He will still offer suggestions, but if you tell him, before you begin your rant, that you don’t need an answer, just to vent, then he won’t be offended when you don’t take his advice. And sometimes, you could surprise him and actually follow his advice. It might just work.
7. Undermining His Authority, but Demanding He Take Full Responsibility
In any organization, there must be a leader, someone in charge. The head over the whole organization, who says, “The buck stops here.” Typically, the person who carries the responsibility ought to be the one who has the final say. Families and relationships are much like any other organization. There must be someone in charge, someone who will take full responsibility when things go wrong, and someone that everyone can turn to.
You, of course, are welcome to take that role, if you are willing to be fully responsible when the chips are down. It is easy to be critical of the person in charge, and it is easy to think that you could do a better job. The hard part comes when it is time to take responsibility. Rather than making decisions without regard for your husband’s input, and then blaming him when things don’t work out, try instead to work together. You can decide together how things should be done, and you can offer him the final say when decisions need to be made.
8. Demoralizing Him and Crushing His Spirit
If asked, most men believe their wives to be more moral and spiritual than themselves. Often, the wife agrees. She does not see herself as sinful or wrong. She feels her greatest “sins” lie in being deeply disappointed by her husband’s failures and her children’s shortcomings. Beyond this, wives typically admit to bad behavior and attitudes but attribute it to hormones, chemical imbalances, and a dysfunctional childhood.
Woe to the husband who dares suggest his lovely bride could use improvement in some aspect of her life. Labeled a heartless, uncaring, unrighteous lout, he is silenced by an angered, wounded wife, cloaked in self-righteous indignation. She then feels perfectly justified in attacking every flaw, magnifying every misstep, and pointing out every failure, until he feels ashamed for living. You are not your husbands Holy Spirit. Stop trying to correct every little flaw you perceive in his character and set about removing the blinding plank from your own eye. Of course, everyone makes mistakes. You can build him up or tear him down. The choice belongs entirely to you.
9. Focusing on Work Over the Marriage
It can be easy to fall into the trap of spending too much time at work and not enough time at home. This neglect can have a negative impact on a marriage. While it is hard to find that proper balance between work and home life, focusing on your marriage is still important. Your husband wants to spend time with you, and depriving him of that time so you can focus on your work will cause some friction and resentment.
If you don’t give the time of day to your husband and the two of you never see each other due to work commitments, your marriage will be on the rocks very quickly. Many women fall into this trap because they want to focus on bettering their careers. It can be hard to make the time to be with your husband when you are working a full-time job, but if you are serious about maintaining your marriage, you’ll have to find a way to make it work.
I think this goes without saying, but if you cheat on your husband, you will ruin your marriage. There are some lines that cannot be crossed, and that is one of them: infidelity is a big deal-breaker, and your husband will not be able to forgive you for such an act.